Twentysomething - Series 2 Episode 1 - Sex

WARNING: This episode contains strong language, sexual references and scenes of a sexual nature.

Russell: I hate this.

Emily: What?
Russell: I hate how much weight I've put on.
Emily: What weight?!
Russell: I've put on 16kg since David and I have gotten together.
Emily: Fuck off, as if.
Russell: Yeah, it's easy not to notice it when you see me everyday. But it's there, it's crept on over the last 18 months.
Emily: Well, you look fine. And anyway, you can work it off in no time. You just need to go for a couple of runs and you'll be back in shape like *that*. Me? I just have to look at a pizza and I gain like 10lbs.
Russell: That must be some size of bloody pizza.


Katy: Is Emily... napping?
Jenna: Yeah, she said she wanted to catch up on sleep before we go out tonight.
Katy: But that's all she's done all day?

Katy: When was the last time you guys had sex?
Emily: Why do we always have to talk about sex?
Katy: Just answer the question, I'm curious.
Emily: About a month ago.
Jenna: Last night. A Tinder date.
Russell: A Tinder "date"? Did you go out for dinner or...?
Jenna: Fine. It was a Tinder shag.
Katy: That depresses me.
Jenna: What's wrong with me hooking up with somebody via Tinder? 
Katy: Not that. I mean how can you guys be single and have sex more regularly than me?
Russell: When was the last time you and Will did it?
Katy: Going on two months.
Russell: Two months?
Katy: It's just a dry spell.
Jenna: I'll fucking bet it's dry!
Katy: We used to do it all the time, y'know. There was always passion there, like we never really went longer than a few days without sex... and then recently, it's just like, he has lost all interest. And I'm just so confused.
Russell: Have you spoken to him about it?
Katy: Oh of course I've tried, but you know Will. He's not a talker. He always manages to avoid the question or gives as little an answer as possible. On the topic of sex, he says he's always tired or busy or just not feeling it. If I initiate sex in bed, he'll just roll over and go to sleep.

Russell: There's something wrong with him.
Katy: Well of course it's him. It's definitely not me. I mean, c'mon. Look at me for Christ's sake.
Jenna: Of course. I mean hell, I'd fuck you.
Emily: So what do you guys do then? Just a kiss and a cuddle? Is that it?
Katy: Well, no. I mean there is some sexual stuff, just not a lot and it's all very few and far between.
Jenna: How sexual are we talking?
Katy: Well, he's not averse to going down on me and attending to my... y'know.
Emily: Lady garden.
Jenna: Vagina.
Katy: Well, yeah. But God forbid I try and return the favour.
Jenna: Well it's obvious. He's broken.
Katy: Except he's not, because he has no problem getting it up. He just has a problem doing anything with it.
Russell: This is all very confusing.
Katy: You're telling me.
Jenna: It's like you guys have gone from the honeymoon period to the fucking graveyard period.
Russell: I hate to ask, but do you think he might be cheating?
Katy: Nope. I have no suspicions. I'd be very, very surprised if he was.

Russell: So who was the guy you slept with a month ago, Emily?
Emily: Just some guy.
Jenna: "Some guy", okay. What was his name?
Emily: I can't remember... Michael I think.
Jenna: You think? Oh come on, you've never slept with a guy you've not known the name of before.
Katy: Okay, so this "Michael", where did you guys meet?
Emily: Tinder.
Jenna: You don't have Tinder, Emily. I'm calling bullshit on this "Michael".
Emily: Okay, I met him on a night out.
Jenna: Ems, come on. Michael doesn't exist... unless that's what you're calling your vibrator these days.
Emily: I don't have a vibrator.
Jenna: Y'what?!
Emily: I've just never gotten around to buying one.
Jenna: Oh Ems, you don't know what you're missing out on.
Russell: Maybe she's not missing out. Maybe that's what she's got that electric toothbrush for, eh?
Emily: Ew, no. Don't be so gross.
Jenna: Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it. They work wonders.

Emily: Fine, anyway, back to the sex. I haven't had it recently, okay, if that's what you all must know.
Katy: So when was the last time?
Emily: Baxter.
Katy: Which better have been well over a fucking year ago!
Emily: Relax, it was.
Jenna: Well there, you see. That's why you don't like talking about sex. You haven't had a good pounding in a while.
Katy: Jenna!
Russell: Over a year, Em?
Jenna: Oh, don't worry. Despite the lack of vibrator she still manages a lot of self loving.
Emily: What?!
Jenna: Our bedrooms are next to each other, Em. And our walls aren't that thick.
Emily: Oh, I didn't even realise... thats's so... mortifying.
Jenna: Oh, don't be so embarrassed. We all do it.
Russell: Well Emily, at least you're filling the gap... so to speak.
Emily: Yeah, and it's been some gap to fill too.
Jenna: Wait, what?!
Emily: Oh Baxter was hung. Like, huuuge. 
Jenna: Oh, well now I know what you saw in him then, Em.

The next morning
Russell: Can you believe that Katy and Will haven't had sex in almost two months?
David: And I can barely keep my hands off you for two minutes.
Russell: I don't know how she does it.
David: I don't understand Will. I mean, Katy's banging. Any guy can see that.
Russell: I guess some guys just aren't into sex that much.
David: Well I'm glad neither one of us is one of those guys.
Russell: Exactly.

David: What're we up to with our days off work then?
Russell: Dinner out tonight?
David: Sounds good with me. Where are you thinking?
Russell: That French restaurant near the harbour. The one we've been wanting to try for aaages.
David: Ohh, yeah. I've already got a good idea of what I'm going to have.
Russell: Me too. And I've got an idea of what I'm going to have before that, too
avid: Oh?
Russell: You. Right here, right now.
David: Rus, your flatmates are home.
Russell: It's still early, they won't be up for ages.
David: They could literally walk in on us at any moment.
Russell: I don't care. I just want you right now, over that kitchen counter.


David: Oh sweet Jesus.

Later that day...
Jenna: How's work going? Are you on shift today?
Emily: Day off, thank God. I'm really at the end of my tether with the place.
Jenna: Haven't you been saying that for like, years now?
Emily: Yeah. Same with losing weight. Same with finding a boyfriend. I want change but here I am, stuck in same place I was 4 years ago.
Jenna: Only you can do something about those things, Em.
Emily: Oh, I know. I think I've just resigned myself to the fact I'm gonna be an overweight single slob who works in retail for the rest of her life.

Jenna: Well aren't you a bundle of joy today!
Emily: I'm sorry, I think it's partly to do with this pathetic hangover that's hanging over me.
Jenna: You didn't even get that drunk last night though.
Emily: Exactly. I did bugger all to deserve it. Now what're you up to tonight?
Jenna: I have an early shift at the coffee shop tomorrow, so I really can't be bothered doing much. Probably just a movie, maybe a glass of wine, and an early bed.
Emily: Cool. I think I'll join you. Girls night in?
Jenna: Sure, that could be fun. As long as you cut the self pity crap, for the rest of the day at least.
Emily: Well no promises, but I'll try.

Katy: How was your morning run?
Russell: Good. Nice to get back out there and pounding the pavement.
Katy: I think I'll need to take up running. Might be a good way to work out some of this sexual frustration I've got going on.
Russell: I wouldn't know.
Katy: Damn right you wouldn't know. Next time you wanna screw David, keep it confined to the bedroom. I was stuck in my bedroom this morning for half an hour, absolutely bursting for the toilet while I waited for you guys to get out of the kitchen.
Russell: I'd say sorry... except I'm totally not. (Laughs) It was bloody great.
Katy: Lucky you. The time stuck in my bedroom gave me some time to think... and I think I need to break up with Will.
Russell: Oh, c'mon. I mean sex is great but it's not the be all and end all, is it? You guys have a great relationship otherwise, don't you?
Katy: Do we? I look at you and David and I get jealous. I don't know what it must be like for you to just grab somebody and fuck them over the kitchen counter so impusilvely - which, I hope you wiped down afterwards! I mean Will and I don't have that level of passion, at all.
Russell: Yeah, but David and I aren't perfect. Sure, I love him but I rant about him a lot. It's not all roses.

Katy: Exactly. I'm even jealous of the way you rant about David. He pushes some of your buttons. When did I last complain about Will?
Russell: Last night. The lack of sex.
Katy: Sex aside.
Russell: Then I can't remember.
Katy: You see. He just invokes minimal feelings inside of me. I'm so... placcid towards him. Being with him is comfortable, but it feels like I've settled.
Russell: Do you still love him?
Katy: I mean I did. He's my first love. But do I still love him? I'm not sure. I thought I would. I thought when we got back together it'd be great again, but it hasn't been. I thought it would be just like the first time, but instead it's been like a sequel to a first movie that you loved. A sequel that does everything the first movie did, but never lives up to that greatness. Don't get me wrong though, it's still good. But there's nothing new to be discovered here, the magic's gone. It's just not exciting anymore, and I miss that.
Russell: What you gonna do?
Katy: I think, I guess, I have to break up with him. And I never, ever thought I'd say that about Will.
Russell: Me neither.
Katy: I don't think I'll do it straight away. I'll give myself a week or so to think it over, come up with a sort of plan.
Russell: Also means you'll get to gave breakup sex.
Katy: Oh, I'll look forward to that. I mean we don't have sex often, as I've said, but when we do it's bloody great. I want that one last time.
Russell: Absolutely.

Jenna: Em, what do you want to get for a takeaway? Em? If you're napping again, I swear...

Will: So how was your night out with the gang last night?
Katy: Good, yeah.

Will: I was out with the guys from work last night, good laugh. Spent a fortune down the pub though. I did bump into one of our friends from college though, Catherine? Do you remember her?
Katy: Sorry?
Will: Were you not listening?
Katy: Sorry, my mind drifted.
Will: I was saying Catherine, from college. Do you remember her?
Katy: Vaguely.

Emily: I thought we were having a girls night in? What're you all dressed up for?
Jenna: Well, you were sound asleep.
Emily: Oh.
Jenna: So I texted an old friend from uni and I'm away to meet her for drinks.
Emily: I see. It's just, I thought we were gonna stay in.
Jenna: You are more than welcome to come along.
Emily: I'd have to get ready though.
Jenna: It never takes you long anyway. Look, I'll give you a shout in an hour and let you know where we are. Give you time to eat and get ready.
Emily: Okay.
Jenna: See you soon, okay?

Russell: I went for a run this morning after you left. It felt so good. I was thinking I need to get back into a gym routine.
David: Yup. Me too.
Russell: I mean, when we got together I was in so much better shape. I had a gym and running routine, and now... look at me.
David: Oh I know what you mean. And I was adamant when we got together that we weren't going to be one of those couples who put on weight when they first get together.
Russell: That went to shit, fast.
David: It disappoints me, especially since I genuinely thought we should have been able to motivate each other to keep fit.
Russell: I feel like we've spent most of the last 18 months just eating food and binge watching crap on Netflix.
David: Don't get me wrong. It's been good. I've loved it. But fuck me, things need to change.
Russell: After tonight? One last night of food and going home to watch TV, and we can make a pact to return to the gym on Monday.
David: Sounds like a plan.

Russell: I've always wanted a six pack.
David: I had one. A good few years ago. It's definitely an attainable goal to have, but it's a fucking hard one to maintain once you've got it. Unless you like just eating vegetables and chicken and nothing else.
Russell: I'd be happy with just a flat stomach these days though.
David: We'll get it back, don't worry.

Will: Tonight was nice.
Katy: Yeah, I had fun.
Will: You look like you're deep in thought.
Katy: I'm fine.
Will: In fact you've looked that way all night. Is everything okay?
Katy: Yeah, of course. I've just not been feeling 100% today.
Will: Well if there's anything I can do to help?

 Katy: Just fuck me tonight, please? 

Emily: Look, Jenna, this is the third voicemail I'm leaving you. I've gotten ready but I can't seem to get hold of you. Give me a shout when you get this message, but I think I'll just be heading to bed soon anyway. Goodnight.

David: Damn. I was hoping Emily would go out so we could have the place to ourselves.
: Living with these guys, it's all so Will & Grace. I've thought about it a few times, but I think I need my own space.
David: Yeah, we don't have it easy do we. You live with your friends, and I still live at home with my parents.
Russell: Maybe we should get our own place, then?
David: That could potentially be an idea, yeah.


David: God, you're so fucking hot.
Russell: Stop it. (Laughs)
David: What?
Russell: We've already had sex today. I can see that look in your eyes!
David: And I didn't realise we had a limit we had to stick to.

 Jenna: (Giggles) Ssshhh. I think we're okay, I think everyone's either out or asleep.

Jenna: Jesus fucking Christ! Don't you dare stop.

Emily: Oh for fucks sake, Jenna. You could at least try and keep it down.

 Emily: Hmmm... I wonder...